Mon.-Cold outside and in. No heat in the house. Outside wood stove not hooked up yet and besides, wood is drenched. Rained most of today, too. Guys set trusses in precarious conditions. They had a story to tell. Susan and I put in a good day of school. I made turkey vegetable soup, venison chunks, grilled sandwiches, and raw vegetables to have on hand. Phil got home, changed his shoes, found a hat, and grabbed some sandwiches and went back out to Farmville for a meeting. Looking up more about aquaponics in Va. Have several email addresses to write too. Wore three shirts and a hat and sweat pants to stay somewhat warm.
Thinking alot about yesterday's sermon and wondering if I'm too cynical to serve. But then, one doesn't truly love, until one is on the other side of disillusionment. And then one can love after one has forgiven. Perhaps we can only love ourselves as well, after we are disillusioned with who we are. Perhaps, there is no need of grace if one has never been disillusioned with oneself and others. Perhaps, there is hope for me. Perhaps we need to give each other the grace to be double minded. Jesus said in one breath the Peter, "Blessed are you...for God has revealed who I am to you..." and in the next breath, or so it seemed, He said to Peter, "Get behind me Satan, for you are not thinking about things God's way." Jesus kept Peter on as a disciple and friend and founder of the church. Even though he wasn't consistently 'godly.'
Tues.-Thinking about being on the outside looking in and realizing how much I don't want to be in the chaos of the inside and how much I enjoy those who are also on the outside looking in and thinking it's time we enjoy ourselves with each other instead of wasting energy thinking we should be somewhere we don't want to be anyway. I wrote pages and pages about this in my blog notebook and now I feel better so that's all you'll hear about that.
Took Susan to co-op. Met D. for lunch and afterwards, found myself at the gas station down the road with a very flat tire. Baileys bailed me out. Got my glasses fixed. Picked up Susan. Ran more errands. Went to Goodwill and found some clothes for the co-op drama. Found a lode of new books. Some of them I've been wanting to read for awhile. Went to Belks. Nicest people work there. Went to Japanese restaurant to get strength to go to Walmart where everyone smiled at us. Every corner I turned, people smiled. Home again. The men had a challenging day setting trusses. As soon as they got home they had to rustle up the cows that had broken through the fence to get to the fields of harvested corn. Then they had to fix the fences. Got in around 9:30.
Wed.-Thinking about Doubting Thomas. He wouldn't believe unless he saw. Have some difficult things I"m praying about. It is hard not to stay worried until I see proof that He is answering. The proof of His promise that all will be well. I want to see Him and place my hand in the dent in His side. Then I'll believe. But it's no way to live. Locked behind doors of fear and isolation. Waiting until the proof comes walking through the walls. Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. My unbelief is not deliberate doubt. It is sorrowful. I don't want to be this way. Help me to quietly trust and hope in You before I see the answer to my prayers.
Susan took me to the dentist today. I had to take antivert medicine and it really knocked me out. I slept most of the afternoon and the whole of the night. It was wonderful.
Thurs.-1 Tim. 4:10-"We trust in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of those who believe. " That's worth reading a time or two. Baked cinnamon rolls for guys to take on their trip to a cabin up north. Made granola. Susan made baked oatmeal. I also made sugar and gluten free pumpkin bread. It is not that good. Also added some walnut oil and honey to almonds and sesame seeds and roasted them in the oven for about half an hour at 325. Kept stirring them. They taste just like that sesame candy. Delicious. Made pizzas with wheat free premade pizza squares and bagels. In the eve., Phil and I went to be with John and Jeanne, who are mourning the loss of John's father. We had a sweet time visiting with them and his sister, and Peter and Ivona.
Fri.-Susan spent the day with Meredith at HV, mulching the flower beds, etc. I cleaned the house, listening to Handel's and some of Mother's other CD's. Washed clothes and packed for Cleansing Stream. Left for Chesapeake around 4 and had a nice leisurely supper at Cracker Barrel. Got to bed early but people in the rooms about us, the air conditioning going off and on, and the snorer beside me created so much noise, I really don't think I slept a wink. The snorer wasn't that bad, actually, because he didn't sleep well either. But sleep isn't all that it's cracked up to be so it didn't stress me out. But who talks loudly at 2 in the morning. If I held a cup to the ceiling, I may have been able to decipher what was being said! Oh well.
Sat.-Went to Waffle House for breakfast. All eight employees looked up from what they were doing and greeted us loudly. It was amazing. We heard a counselling session going on between three co-workers. A domestic abuse situation. They were like a big happy family that deeply cared for one another. Hospitality starts at home and draws everyone else in. If they hadn't been enjoying each other's company, no amount of friendliness to those of us coming in, could have influenced the atmosphere to make us feel at home. (I'm writing this after Sunday. I was with some people discussing the core value of hospitality and I was too excited to sleep for several hours afterwards.)
When we came into the Cleansing Stream Retreat Sanctuary, there were people lined up along the aisle, clapping and cheering for us as we entered. It was a little overwhelming but I liked it. We had a great day there. It's hard to explain unless you've done the studies and then go on the retreat. On the way home, we stopped at a little BBQ joint. Everyone was so very friendly there, also. there was a sign that said, "Beware of Attack Waitress." When our cute waitress came over, Phil said, "Let me see your teeth." She willingly opened wide her mouth and showed us her beautiful teeth. Then he said, "Are you the attack waitress?" "Not today, " she laughed. She loved it. She told her co-workers and they were talking about it. I can't believe that she opened her mouth on command like that.
When we got home, Alli, Freeman, and Susan, were just ready to watch The Goonies. We relaxed and joined them. Alli worked today. Freeman took Susan bow hunting in the morning and she barely missed a buck. So disappointed but she was close. Then he took her to the Appomattox Railroad Festival. They enjoyed some funnel cakes there. Freeman also made some great food while he was here. A prize winning looking and tasting apple pie and some marinated chicken and shrimp which was out of this world. He really should open a restaurant. I wonder if we could have food here every Sat. He could grill all kinds of meat and we could set up picnic tables and people could bring their side dishes and buy their meat. How fun would that be?
Sun.-Just erased somehow everything I wrote for Sunday. So I'll do a quick re-cap. Loved the worship song about leaning back against Jesus and feeling His heartbeat. We think of gentle Jesus when we do that. This weekend, at Western Branch Community Church, they had a big black and white painting of Jesus's face on the stage. The crown was red. He looked scary. I told Phil that He looked like a warrior. I said, "I'm glad I'm on His side." And now, I think about leaning back against the chest of a warrior and feeling His heartbeat. I tell Him my worries and troubles and He says, "I'll take care of that for you." And He's too scary not to believe. Like a lion. He'll roar my enemies of fear and doubt away.
Great sermon on 'Growing Up.' It was rich and full and something everyone could relate to. I still have alot of growing up to do.
Just a thought. Angel, our German Shepherd, is imprinted on Ollie, our turkey. Ollie acts like a dog, eats dog food, lies down beside Angel on the porch, runs after cars, wants to come into the house, and any day now, I expect him to start barking. God the Father, imprinted Himself on Jesus, His Son, and we are imprinted with Jesus. We are little Christ's, bearing His nature, His character, His moods, His purposes, His countenance. He in us and we in Him and fruit abounds. This was part of the sermon.
Learned more about hospitality in the evening. It's easy to snub people we have been disappointed by. It's easier to welcome the new people then to invest in long term relationships with the people we know all too well. It's easy to be friendly; much harder to be a friend. We think we have to show our disapproval of others behavior by being unfriendly towards them. Like that's going to help them do better. I know this, but I have a long way to go. Jesus was and is the friendliest guy around. But not everyone approved. Why would He befriend so and so and such and such. Like that woman, who went into Simon's house, and was more hospitable to Jesus that Simon was to Him. She was hospitable in a hostile situation where she was not welcome and Jesus was on probation. Not exactly a friendly atmosphere for Him either. But she broke through the walls of hostility in the house, and out of gratitude and love, washed Jesus's feet with her tears, and dried them with her long fragrant hair, and anointed them with costly oil. Oh that we would learn from her. Oh that we too, would love Jesus, and minister to His body, and in the midst of a hostile situation, make Him feel welcome.
Went to Country Cookin' for lunch. Came home. Phil walked down to the low grounds. I drove the gator to O'Brien's and took pictures and rested in the sun and the brown fall beauty. Susan vegged out on the sofa watching Monk, sleeping off and on. Lucy woke her up numerous times last night. Phil and I watched a few Monk's with her and then went off to a meeting where we learned some things about ants. There are 10,000 different kinds of ants. They can carry 20 times their body weight. They have two stomachs; one the fill for themselves and the one they fill to feed other ants. They work together and alot of their work is done underground where no one sees them. They have a plan. They know what they want. They want food. Napoleon Hill said, "All great achievements start with great desire." Most creativity takes place during a time of crisis and great need. Ants push themselves until the job is done. Even if they are injured, they keep going. Ants think ahead. They prepare for winter and scarcity. They never work for themselves alone. They are team players working for the good of each other. We are supposed to be like ants. We're supposed to learn from them. Go to the ant and observe. We need the imprint of ants to be on us. I think I will be more careful about stepping on ant hills from here on out. If they come into my house, then they are over-stepping their boundaries. Maybe I'll take some food outside and scatter it around so they don't need to come in anymore.
Learned about hospitality. Hospitality is that quality in a church or a person that makes people feel welcomed and loved. Honored and appreciated. Christ accepted us. So we accept one another also. I experienced hospitality last night. And I was too excited to sleep for a very long time. A new day dawns. This is where it is at. It starts at the top. And the trickle down effects will be huge.
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