Thursday, May 31, 2012

What's in a name?

First Chronicles 4 tells us a litttle bit about Jabez.

"Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother called his name, Jabez, saying, "Because I bore him in pain."

Jabez loved God and his mother and didn't want to cause pain to either of them or anyone else for that matter.

Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, "Oh that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that your hand would be with me, and that you would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!"

He asked God to deliver him from the very meaning of his name!

It is true that wounded people wound others.

We try to give them understanding.
"They've had a rough life. No wonder they are acting like that."
(It helps to ease our own suffering from what they've done,
and besides, we, too, want understanding when we behave not so wisely.)

We hesitate to call their failings 'sin' or 'evil.'
We want to call it brokenness.

And sometimes we are broken and have not sinned.
But sometimes brokenness unhealed can lead to sin.

Jesus came to heal the broken-hearted.
Jesus came to cleanse us of our sin.
He 'fixes' us. Either way. In all ways.

Jabez would have been a likely candidate to get involved with evil and cause pain.
He would have had numerous reminders every day that he was a real pain in the you-know-what.

But he wanted to rise above the obvious result
of the cause and effect equation of his life.

And he did this by crying out to God.

Jabez asked God to keep him from evil within him and all around him so he wouldn't cause pain to others.
He also asked God to bless him and enlarge his territory-his property-his area of influence.
He asked that God's hand would be with him.

'Redeem me from my name.
And bless me too.'

You and I are not victims of our circumstances.
I mean, in actuality, we can be,
but we don't need to live up to our names or
our difficult circumstances
or our negative upbringing.

We are of God, Little Children.
And we have overcome the world
and its evil and its natural consequences of pain!

We are not of our names or of our past.

We. Are. Of. God.

And God is powerful and mighty.
He is kind and compassionate.
He is faithful and true.

And we are of Him.
Holy, Holy, Holy God.

While browsing on face book the other day,
I noticed that a blessed mother had posted a picture
of her son taken in a church-like setting.
He stood behind a microphone and she wrote something like,
'This is my son, ministering the Father heart of God.'

And I read it and wept, just as I am weeping now.

For this son of hers has struggled with the loss of his father
through no fault of his own.
His father abandoned the family when he was young
and he longed for his father
but there was no having him.

His name,(I'll call him 'Jeb'), took on the meaning,
"abandoned by my father."

But, then, there was God.
And in his pain, Jeb called out to Him.
For if our mother and/or father forsake us,
then the Lord will pick us up. (Ps. 27:10)
And that's what God did because that's what God does.
He, too, lives up to His name.
For He is called a Father to the fatherless.

God changed Jeb's name to mean "Beloved of God my Father."

And now, Jeb is out there,
revealing through his life and words
the great love of God His Father.

Oh Beloved.
Sometimes, God changes our names,
and thus changes the meaning of our names.
Like when He changed Abram's name to Abraham
and Jacob's name to Israel.

But sometimes, we keep our names
and He uses the meaning of our names
to bring about a longing for change,
and then, like Jabez, we cry out to Him.

Sometimes, we make a name for ourselves that
symbolizes the pain we have experienced or caused others.
But even that name can be changed through God's redemption
and blessing.

"And so God granted Jabez what he had requested."
(1 Chron. 4:10b)

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Buckle Down Thanksgiving List

I keep forgetting to keep my thanksgiving list going.
And it's important, you know.
Not only will Danielle treat me to frozen yogurt if I reach a thousand thanks by the beginning of July, but it also helps me to be thankful.
I mean, I am helped when I am thankful. It changes my perspective
and perspective is just about everything.
I mean, it's all about me, you know.

But, I also think that God appreciates being thanked.
I know I appreciate it when my children thank me.
Especially for the little things that take noticing in order to be grateful for them.
So, this is my final list.

I have spent too much time looking back to see what number I have reached.
This is the final hurrah and then I probably will begin again,
but I don't think I'll number them this time.
So, 220 more thanks until I reach 1,000.

A night at home, alone.
Wild Baby Turkeys scurrying about in the pen Dave Plank built us.
Cleansing Stream and the feeling that this is 'home' for us.
Hummingbirds buzzing like fighter jets over my head.
Angel's patience. Lucy barks at her face and pulls at her tail. Back and forth.
Love at home.
Coyotes that haven't attacked our cattle. Heard a pack of them just down the lane, howling, the other night. Makes us uneasy.
Michael's video of the bear he just saw over at HV.
-The beautiful rain throughout last night.
-yellow squash beginnings.
-Chicken's and their silliness.
-Air conditioning
-Big bathtubs
-Uncle Ed and Aunt Rhoda and their RV and the re-ignition of our travel dreams.
-Sherri's beautiful big house and the way they share their porch and property.
-That if 'those people' keep calling our number and don't leave a message, I'm going to push 'talk' and give them my Aborigines Holler. It worked before...
The last two pages in 'Jesus+Nothing=Everything.' I read it to the fam this morning.
-When we were down at the river, Sunday eve. I grasped the roasting fork at it's tip, wanting to pull it up, but Phil had just pulled it out of the fire, which I found out soon enough. He offered his cup of cold tea and said, "Put your finger in that," which I did but it still hurt like crazy. I thought I'd have to come up to the house for burn ointment. Michelle's friend, Miriam, was there. She said that her mother always told her to rub a burn on her hair. So. I took my hand and ran it through my hair and the pain stopped immediately. I kid you not. And it never blistered nor did it hurt ever again. God is amazing. There is some kind of oil in our hair that even helps with burns. He thought of everything, didn't He.
-Lucy, running to me, because of the big fighter jets flying terribly noisily overhead. She hides in my lap.
-Lucy's hiccups. I say "Boo" but it doesn't work. Giving her a treat does, though.
-Lucy, very interested in the tap-tap-tapping of the keyboard. She pushed something and now everything is very small. Time to sign out tonight.
-a tournament quality volleyball net being put to use in our back yard by Philip and his Sasquatch
-Lori's help with pricing homeschool books
-everyone's kindness in Appomattox
-Susan's clean room
-Phil catching up on rest
-the joy of seeing someone else's vacation pics on fb. Feels like I'm there.
-Philip's joy about future fishing dates
-D's good news phone call
-Phil's ingenuity-his pants tore down the front and he used duct tape to fix them because he was going into the 'nun' area with Brother N., who thought that the nuns shouldn't see so much leg. haha!!!
-Alli's rippling laugh
-Michael's car fixed/passed inspection
-Susan helping someone to make up their mind to buy a lawn mower
-Sweet Frog
-Matt's tears
-Beautiful storm
-teenage girls
-Amy H. sitting beside me during grad.
-Travis wanted to sit beside his 'mama'-(me)
-Phil is back home
-Pastor Betty's sermon-the kids wanted her to be their speaker
-a class that had come through fire without the scent of smoke
-that I should just trust God and those close to me, and also trust that if there is anything that needs to be revealed, He will show it to me.
-Sat. afternoon nap with Lucy.
-Jenny L.
-Michael thanking us for buying a farm...'...we eat our own eggs and sausage...' etc.
-That having a farm has taught us to fix things ourselves. And Michael was able to help Rich G. by fixing his tractor
-beautiful cooler day
-Susan's 'Your flower garden is so pretty, Mom.'
-river thoughts and verses I found. 1 Chron. 23:5-'...and 4,000 praise the LORD with musical instruments, 'which I made,' said David, 'for giving praise.' David made the musical instruments for the many instrumentalists! That's amazing!
-11 Chron. 3:6-'And he decorated the house with precious stones for beauty...' Solomon went beyond making the temple functional and made it beautiful. We, too, are the temple of God.
-11 Chron. 20:31-33-'So Jehosaphat, 35, was king over Israel for 25 years. He did what was right in the eyes of the LORD. Nevertheless, the high places were not taken away, for as yet the people had not directed their hearts to the God of their fathers.'OK. How does this work? We can do what is right but if our hearts are not directed towards God we won't destroy the things in our lives that set themselves high against Him? I don't understand this because it says that they did right in the eyes of the LORD. Maybe the point is the comparison between doing the right things and having our heart long for God and what happens as a result of that longing.
-For the words, 'I will live and not die...'
-ministry to the strong
-that Christ is our Rock; nobody else can be.
-Phil's dresser top organized with baskets, blue jars, etc. It's as good as its going to get and he's happy with it
-Jasmine plant reminder of my mother and of other's sympathy and love
-cheerful family
-ok. 11 Chron... The king himself did what was right in the eyes of the LORD but the people did not direct their hearts towards God and so he did not tear down the high places because they still wanted to worship their gods. Was it fear of man?
-Rosalee's newsy e-mail
-Freeman's post on face book this morning. I read it and Susan said, "Don't Cry Mom!"
"Do your best, don't be stupid, be on time, and live by faith."-Phil Hertzler after getting a flat tire on the trailer ten minutes into our commute to work. Rather than getting upset at the serious setback to a time constructed day, he thanked God for the timing and protection. Thanks for that example dad."
-Last night's rainy campfire experience with the KNIT girls.
-for rain
-for sunshine after rain
-for Lucy helping Susan understand how I feel about her
-a vacation for Dianna
-the book of Job
-that Nate hugs Danielle and says,'You've hugged Annette, haven't you?"
-the girls asked, 'What kind of perfume do you wear?' and I said, "Egyptian Goddess" and Teresa said, "Of COURSE you do."
-that I look pretty good by the light of the alarm clock
-that nobody is really reading this long list of thank you's
-Susan's whistling
-Susan packed a big lunch for the guys from last night's supper
-flower garden in full bloom-white lilies, orange lilies, and soon pink lilies
-Everytime I think about Mother, I see her painting at an easel outside with beauty all around her. Jesus sits nearby and they talk and are quiet, like the dear old friends they are.
-the motivation of the pig roast to clean and organize even my bedroom!
-feeling better, eating healthier, exercising-thankful.
-Philip's Annabelle had 10 piglets and one of them is orange with black spots and another is a red and white oreo and the others are just white
-for Susan's adopted brothers
-the story about how the guys moved the 6,000 pound marble slab altar from one area of the abbey to another. It was resting on an olive tree stump that had been sent from Jerusalem from a tree from the Garden of Gethsemane. I said I wanted to sleep on top of that stump. That maybe Jesus had prayed with his elbows on that stump. They slowly diffused my weepy bubble saying that the tree was only a hundred to three hundred years old. I said that maybe Jesus planted it and Phil said that 300 years and 2,000 years has quite a few years between them. I still held on and said that maybe Jesus thought about the tree, and he agreed to that.
-Lucy, asleep for the night, snoring, in my arms as I write.
-the possibility of getting to bed before 10 tonight.
-the words I read today that connection to Christ, not perfection, is what is needed.
-these cool summer days
-that I remembered the bathtub's running water in time
-an exhaustion that comes from much hard work
-little by little, our place is getting cleaned up
-the Pig Roast next week and how it helps us get more organized
-Sheila's bragging about Alli last night
-Sheila's verbal understanding that our group needed extended time together
-chicken's laying again and only one is a cannibal
-Alli and Freeman's cheerfulness
-the Word of God
-running water
-a good bed
-a Sabbath rest to look forward to
-Pig Roast 2012-our 11th year total; 2 in Pa. 9 here
-that the Pig Roast brings out the best in us
-that the Pig Roast brings out the worst in us-not truly thankful for this but it's a learning experience
-hard work
-Plan B's
-that if Cleansing Stream is one of God's ideas for New Life, He will make it happen.
-that I saw Lucy's poop on the floor before I stepped on it
-that He keeps whispering, "Be thankful." And when I am, it changes me.
-that the toilet is no longer clogged-Oh, the things we take for granted!
-that the fire at the haybarn site is intentional
-and that my heart doesn't race as badly as it used to when I see the smoke
-that Derek K., mountain bike destroyer, face smasher, is going to be okay. They popped his face back into place by going through his mouth, nose, and eyelid? to 'pop' things back in place. No stitches on his face!
-that on these days that I feel too sick and tired to move, that there is nothing that requires me to move.
-rest for the weary
-the best pig roast ever
-pure singing voices
-the Pink Panther movies-old ones
-that M and M's murderer was apprehended
-that Jesus is the comforter of those who mourn
-morning rain
-Susan's giggle
-Michael's gentle explanations
-hard-working men
-a son who loves and adores his wife
-his wife who loves and honors him
-for Michael's private enjoyment of playing the guitar. He has no idea how good he is for how little he has played.
-incubator hatching chickens this time around
-George and Martha Washington living next door for a week and a half
-their effort to bring the entourage of costumes along on the plane from California
-nervous giggles of friends as they greeted the Washington's at the pig roast
-perfect weather/perfect time of day for pig roast
-for the way my sister keeps in touch
-honest friendships
-the way God hovers and still creates
-Susan's cheerful voice waking up with Lucy every morning
-a shopping day in Richmond with the Lapps for Susan
-banana split funeral plans-humor with sorrow-and the promise to see it through
-Phil's willingness to pick up Susan after a meeting tonight
-Susan's stern voice to Lucy, "No pee in the house!"
-perhaps today, I'll finish reading the underlined parts of my Mother's Bible (no)
-that real friends don't mind if I do the following while I'm on the phone with them: swallow vitamins, talk to Susan, put them on speaker phone while I make supper or put on make-up, pull weeds, scold the puppy, clean up the puppy's mess, clean the tub, take a bath, wash dishes, flush the toilet, cry, laugh too loud, read them what I've written, etc. Thank you dear friends, for putting up with me!
-the rotten pork rinds are out of sight and out of mind thanks to Philip and Mike!
-the tent is put away!
-Susan's happy day.
-time to talk to Lindsay on the way to Rice
-Freeman's cheerful, 'Hi, Mom.'
-the boys admitting that there ability to shock me isn't working anymore
-Phil calling just to check on me
-Angel insisting on coming in to the cool house. She follows me around and lays down near me. I said cheerfully, after the sun had gone down, "Do you want to go outside?" and she looked at me as if I had four heads.
-the story about banana splits on face book. I sent it to Judy.
-Judy and the answers she is getting
-Pastor Dan and his help and direction with Cleansing Stream
-CS in California-leaders getting our church down on their 'radar' and praying for us all as we go through this transition.
-Susan's loud laugh as she talks to Makenzie
-Lapp family kindness
-Naomi understanding this year
-Naomi asking about my mom and how I am in regards to missing her
-Dianna spending time talking with me while she drives to Laurel's
-that even though Phil and I have been like two ships passing in the night, we are ships that kiss as we pass
-the rain and that it came back in full force right after I asked God for more
-Mom's phone call
-for His dear voice telling me not to worry
-for His dear voice telling me to be thankful
-for an email that signed off with these words, "May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering."
-for Susan's words, "I trust Pastor Frank. Pastor Frank would lay down his life for me."
-Zephaniah and the other minor prophets
-for this lovely day with Susan even though she felt miserable with a bad headache all day
-for Lisa's kind words back to Susan on face book and that another young girl intercepted the kind words and received a blessing too.
-bacon burgers-50% bacon-50% beef-WOW!
-Goodwill-book buy-"The Search for Significance"
-for the hope of a night of sleep and if not, then a night of prayer.
-Steve R.'s long-windedness-a miracle!
-PJ's reluctant roasting of PF which was really humorous and humorously real.
-a day of real rest...
-after a night of real sleep
-time to write
-thoughts to write about. I've been flat-lined for so long.
-Freeman teaching Susan how to grill and the delicious results
-for a glimpse of the big picture
-and that is so much bigger than what I can see
-God making a way of escape for a friend
-Monk, and Susan's, and I quote, "We should have Frank and Lisa over to watch it with us."
-All of the offers to help Janelle with her flat tire on 460
-this beautiful farm
-the book, "The Prophet" by Frank Peretti. I'm reading it for the third time.
-this precious family that I call 'mine'
-the friend who refused to hang up until I shared the burden on my heart
-the friend who moved quickly when I shared my burden
-that He restoreth my soul
-and anointeth my head with oil
-my cup runneth over
-and that I finally let myself fall in love with her today, even though it made me really cry
-for Philip's kisses and I love you's
-and Michael's hugs and I love you's
-and Susan conversations and I love you's
-and Alli's gentle hugs and I love you's
-and Freeman's 'Hey Ma!' and I love you's
-and Phil's daily smiles, hugs, kisses, and I love you's-
-and for God's lifting me up to His face and holding me close and for
His I love you's too.
-Lindsay's reassurance
-Lindsay's opportunities to build a greenhouse, change an old ministry, and rewrite some great books
-Ginger, Worth, Ryder, and their kind ways
-playing pretend restaurant with boats of sand with sticks in them...steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, and then delicious flavors of ice cream
-Ryder echoing Worth
-that we really can approach the throne of grace in our time of need and get help
-Susan's chance to go to King's Dominion and Casting Crowns with her friends
-for our funny chickens who watched the volleyball game in process. Their heads went back and forth with the ball as it traveled.
-that the way people treat us has more to do with what they are going through than how they feel about us.
-that I just reached 1,000 THANKS!!!!

Monday, May 28, 2012

Hertzler Doings~May 28-June 3, 2012

Mon.-Memorial Day. Guys went to the Abbey for half the day. Michael fixed fence and worked around here. Alli came over and washed and vacuumed her car. It looked new. Susan super cleaned her room and did some other jobs. Weeded and planted more seeds in the garden. Also, cleaned up all of the porches. Had at least 8 black garbage bags of trash to throw in back of the old green pick up. Went over to Dawson F.'s grad party and visited with everyone over there, especially Uncle Ed and Aunt Rhoda. Enjoyed Andrew's boxer dog imitation. Came home and ordered volleyball net.

Tues.-Judy came over after seeing the chiropractor. We just love her. She held Lucy like a baby to her face and kissed her neck and Lucy loved it. After she left, Susan and I went to Lynchburg. Penney's, Goodwill, Target-where we met Haley, and bumped into Teri and Mikayla, getting ready for college next year, and then we went to Sam's Club and had pizza for supper. I went shopping while Susan and Haley walked around until Haley had to leave. I bought most of the things we needed for the Pig Roast. Must still get charcoal, lighter fluid, ice, and ice cream. Exhausted. Took Helen's ion machine over. Diane T. called while I was gone and cancelled tomorrow. She's not feeling well. Susan told her I was looking forward to coming but that I was so tired from being out all day and that I would be happy to stay home. I thought that was truthful and diplomatic of her. Cleansing Stream materials arrived. Phil picked them up at the meeting and brought them home. So excited. Still not sleeping well. I don't understand why I can't sleep night after night. I wrote down the things that had happened this year and this month and gave them to God. My worries. I saw a list Lindsay had on face book. It was a list about God. A description of Him. What He has been to her. I think that is a better list to make. The worry list looks like Goliath until you line it up beside the list about God. Then it doesn't look like much of anything. I've been thinking about the sermon alot. My little rock says three words on it. Bigger. 'Badder'. Brighter. God is that in comparison to the Goliaths in our lives. We must remind ourselves of God's victories in the past and how He has brought Good out of evil in every situation. Some situations are pending, but can I trust Him before I see the final outcome? We either walk by faith or walk by sight. It's harder than it looks. But it's easier if you're looking at Lindsay's list. She blogged it in Just Journaling. A blog on my side bar. It's worthy reading and will help.

Wed.-Started back into seriously eating healthy but blew it mid afternoon. And then I kept blowing it. Made friendship bread today from Alli's starter she had given me. I wasn't going to be anywhere to see anybody for the next few days so I actually used up all of the parts I would have shared. Froze alot for some friends and for the pig roast. Phil's on a consulting job for the next few days, showing some builders how to set trusses. I talked with the regional director for Cleansing Stream for awhile today. He's helping us get set up. We've been hoping and waiting and now it seems that we are going through a door that's been opened. All in God's timing and it seems this is the time. Cleansing Stream is one way that God uses to set His children free through the use of Biblical studies/truth and prayer. Our kids seem excited that we are doing this as well. Michael thanked me today for keeping our family as a priority through the years. He said, "I remember when we had a priority list. Family. Farm. Church. I'm glad Dad set that up years ago." I said, "I just found that list." I pulled it out and showed him. It was hidden on the book shelf and resurrected itself when we fixed the air conditioner. It rained beautifully at least 3 times last night. The weeds came out of the garden easily. One could preach on that. When the ground is dry, the weeds break off at ground level and grow again. But when the ground has been watered, the seed is watered also, and the weeds are easy to pull. I took Susan to youth group tonight at Calvary. She takes the Bible that Lindsay gave her when L. left the area. It's a special Bible. Gil gave it to her when they got married. L. wanted to give Susan something that meant alot to herself. She gave her a beautiful ring and her Bible. Gil said she could. Michael and Philip went bow and arrow fish hunting over at HV for a short time this eve. Philip will go pick up Susan later. I hope to hit the sack early and have more energy tomorrow.

Thurs.-Lori K. had me over for lunch and we priced my homeschool books for the curriculum sale on Sat. She's going to watch my table for me because I have other things going on. Thank you Lori! Went to printers to get more pig roast invitations printed up and then to Walmart to get the charcoal, etc. for the pig roast. Vollebyall net came and Philip and Susan have been playing vb. D~called with good news today and we are so relieved but will feel more assured after another scientific test.

Fri.-Nice long catch-up talk with Naomi this morning. Went to deep muscle therapist this afternoon. He has done wonders with my feet and my head-vertigo. Thank you God! Phil was home when I got here. He's been away for a few days on a truss consultant job. Alli stopped in to use the internet and to drop of the Pig Roast invitations that she picked up for me. We had quite a storm in the afternoon. I laid in bed and watched the winds. It looked almost like what I imagine a hurricane to look. I saw on face book that there were tornado warnings in Lancaster, too. Lost power. Went to New Life's graduation in the eve. P Betty preached a sermon I'd like to hear every day of my life until I got it right. So happy that Susan could hear it and all of the other students and parents. Came out of church and it was pouring. Got drenched on the way to car and decided to embrace the inevitable and then I began to enjoy it, though it was rather cold. Went to Sweet Frog and Susan ran in and got us some frozen yogurt. We turned the heat on high. We especially went to see Matt, Amber, Nick, and Amanda graduate. What a class. Power was on when we got back home.

Sat.-The boys made breakfast of sausage and eggs. Phil mowed the fields. Michael worked on his car, weed whacked, rotatilled the garden, etc. Philip worked with his pigs and calf hutches. Susan did lots of odd jobs and focused on going deeper into her bedroom. Got rid of another bag of clothes. I did some wash and really cleaned my desk. Took everything off and sorted through everything. Wow. The only problem with cleaning one corner really well is that you notice the 99 other corners that look awful next to it! Not sure why I feel compelled to clean my house for the Pig Roast, but its something I go through every year, and then, I eventually relax about it. Alli and Freeman stopped over to do some things. Jordan came in the eve. and the guys went cat fishing. We started to watch a Charlie Chapman movie but the phone rang and the movie was so old and scratched it was hard to follow.

Sun.-Michael and Susan went to CC and when it was over, they came to New Life, bringing Jenny L. with them. It was a really good morning and I am reconciling myself to the uncomfortableness of change and the unknown. At the same time, I feel like I need to reassure others that God will take care of us all. I believe that with my whole heart. PFrank and Lisa are moving 'upward' towards more responsibilty to fulfill the calling God has on their lives. Therefore, all of us must move upward towards more responsibility to fulfill the calling God has on our lives. It is time. And it is good, even though it's also sad. And it's good to grieve. Thank God we are grieving and not saying, 'Thank God they are going!' Pastor Frank talked about the wise and foolish man. The common denominators between the two was that they both had a house and they both had a storm. The storm revealed what kind of foundations they had built their houses on. We must dig down deep and build upon the Rock. The Rock is Christ. The wise build their life on Him. The foolish build their house on shifting sand and 'the ruin of their house is great.' Our brains can be like shifting sand. 'A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.' The generations that went before us build a mansion on the solid rock and we are benefiting from their wise building. But we must make wise choices too, and not take anything for granted. Storms come to us all. They don't wait until we are ready or rested. Last week, Pastor Alvin had given us a small stone to symbolize the stone that David used to kill Goliath. I wrote on mine-'God is Bigger, 'Badder', and Brighter than...' It sits on the base of my lamp desk.
Betty picked out a beautiful jasmine plant as an expression of sympathy regarding my mother's passing. I wanted a Jasmine plant because it puts out its greatest fragrance in the evenings. Much like my mother. She always smelled good and in her later years, she got even sweeter. Betty wrote a beautiful message on a lovely card and signed it for the staff. We put it between the girls on the back seat and they could hardly buckle. I don't think Susan did. Picked up my books that were left over from the curriculum sale on Sat. Made $40 and will need to find another place to sell the rest of the books. Made BLT's for lunch and then I went down to the river and read more from Mother's Bible-the words she had underlined. Phil met me on the path and he stepped out from the tree and I screamed. It's not often a man comes out of the shadows in my safe meadow. We drove the gator to another part of the farm and picked some purple stem peppermint tea. Alli and Freeman were here when we got back. They had brought us some movies to watch. We watched 'Bedtime Stories' in between a number of phone calls. Lucy got all excited with the vacuum cleaner when Phil vacuumed up some broken glass from a broken cup. We videotaped it. I'm writing outside on my mother's glass table and sitting on her wicker chair while Michael and Phil are playing the blue's beside me. Lucy is barking and snapping at Phil's tapping foot. A very full moon is rising above the green trees on this Sabbath Rest of a day. The girls are practicing a song they want to sing for the pig roast too. In a few minutes I must run Jenny over to Fisher's to meet her siblings for her ride home.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Hertzler Doings~May 21-27, 2012

Mon.-Ps. 9:9,10-"The LORD also will be refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You' For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You."
Happy Birthday, dear youngest brother, David. The name 'David' means 'beloved of God' and he is. He is also kind, smart, handsome, and funny.
Alli came over today to walk, and then we girls watched 'Thor' before she returned it to its' red box. Very good movie. I wanted to watch it again right away. Felt like a truck ran over me most of the day. It seems like everything is catching up to me, physically and emotionally, and I don't feel caught up spiritually. I am glad my life is based on God's work and not mine. He can catch me up to Himself immediately, because He is always with me. Worked in garden, old house, and bedroom. Made brown rice and turkey bacon with salad for supper. Sang Happy Birthday to David at supper. I took Susan to Helen's earlier, so she could catch a ride with them to the ballgame. She took Lucy with her. Helen brought her home after ten.

Tues.-Alli and I went to Dr. F. 'Compartmentilization Syndrome' is the diagnosis for A.'s arm. She came back here and took aspirin and put some apple cider vinegar on the bruised area and ice and we watched the movie, "Radio." Excellent movie. So exhausted all day. Waiting to hear. Made rabbit in crock pot. Abbey sent home bags of leftover meatballs and chicken wings leftover from a conference. Guys weren't hungry for supper. Leftovers for tomorrow-if anyone can actually eat rabbit. Some friends had traded us rabbit for some straw last year. I'm working on emptying out the freezers. Stormy evening. Fell asleep with my head down where my feet should be as I watched the storm.

Wed.- "I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." Jesus in John 14:18,27. Mom's and More. Emotional morning. Changes. Change is permanent. Got groceries. Susan made us lunch and studied Economics while I was gone. Going back out to Wally's World and youth group later. Went to Dianna's class on James. Very good.

Thurs.-Happy Birthday, brother Abe! 61 years young today. What a great man. Truly one of the greats. Smart, compassionate, objective, wise, fun. His grandkids are so lucky and his children and wife are blessed. He has done so much for our whole family. Mother always said, "What would we do without him?" And besides what he does for us, he serves on the Millersville University Board, and on other boards, and is the most humble man I know. Thank you for being my brother, Abie. Hope you heard our song on your phone.
Susan and I made dixie cup popsicles for about 2 hours this morning. Caramel coffee fudge, fudge, orange juice/yogurt/honey/banana, honey/strawberry/vanilla yogurt, watermelon strawberry/peach mango, vanilla pudding strawberry, mixed berry yogurt. I'll write up some recipes later. It takes awhile to eat them and they are so satisfying. I went to Teresa's for a tea party around lunch for my birthday. Danielle and her sister, Dawn, along with Teresa, gave me this party. It was lovely. We had cucumber sandwiches, fresh salad from Danielle's garden, fresh fruit salad, chocolate chunk scones, iced chai tea with whipped cream, and great conversation. I love these ladies. I took a wrong turn out of Teresa's main road and it took an extra 20 min. to get to Appomattox. Went to Peebles and Krogers and home again. Alli's arm is doing better. Phil went to Pottstown today to look at a roof. Stopped in to see Mahlon, Bill H., and had lunch with Mom, Dad, Jim, and Joe. He left at 4 this morning and got home after 9. He missed stopping in to see my mother. Michael was playing his guitar on the porch. The song he is working on sounds better and better. I miss having him around. He started working for Phil full-time.

Friday-Sunday->highlights-Susan finished school for the year. Michael made us Sat. breakfast of sausage, potatoes, and eggs. Mast boys, Jordan, Philip, and Michael here Sunday afternoon; watching a movie and going fishing. Philip and Susan when with the Loy siblings to see a movie in Lynchburg. Phil and I went down to the river with Tom, Helen, Michelle, Serena, Abby, and their new friend, Miriam. (I am in a writing slump because I am in a reading slump.Also, I think the new puppy has something to do with it. It's like having a new baby and it takes a lot of extra time to take care of her and love her. Susan says that she already respected our parenting but she respects us even more now that she has a puppy. It's so much work and hard to be consistent, etc. She said she is going to get a puppy for each of her children when they are about her age so they can learn responsible parenting. Plus, I am really missing my mother. And I keep thinking I'm going to call her and tell her something or ask her something. Anyway, some day, I'll write again.)

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Hertzler Doings-May 14-20,212

Mon.-"So they went and made the tomb secure; sealing the stone and setting the guard." (Matt. 27:66) Great day. Meredith and Susan were up early, pulling up weeds and putting down mulch at Happy Valley. Later in the day, they went out to Lowes, where there were great plant sales going on. They bought time period plants to line the pathways and beautify the flower beds over there. We also finished up our front flower beds over here. What amazing things take place with a little bit of cash, time, and some Hustlin' Hertzler's in gear. I worked several hours outside in the rain, pulling weeds, and laying down mulch out front, and also in our vegetable garden. Had awaken at 3, as I have been doing since England. There's a lot to pray about so I don't mind. Babysat Lucy while Susan was away. There is much to do with a puppy who ate adult dog food and chewed on some flower leaves. She seemed to be surprised herself when she left little loose 'gifts' on my hard wood floors.

Tues.-"A Mighty Fortress is our God...A Sacred Refuge is Your name..." This song won't quit! It keeps getting louder and louder, keeping me awake, during the day, and in the night! Susan brought in the runt of the litter today. (Pigs) It's siblings had nearly suffocated him. He was barely breathing. She rubbed him and washed the dirt of his mouth. He's wrapped in a towel, in a box, and I am getting trickles of milk down his throat, using milk replacer and a baby bottle. The stove light is on and I decided to bake potatoes early so the top of the stove would get warm. He barely moves and then he takes a gasping, painful, breath, and I asked Jesus to please take him and give him to my mother. She would enjoy this little guy so much. Susan and Meredith are planting a truck load of plants at Happy Valley. They took Lucy with them and my morning should be easier. Susan remembered to take water for Lucy but realized she forgot it for herself. I told her that's what it feels like to be a mother. That's what a mother does.
Lindsay preached at her church for Mother's Day. People are asking for multiple copies of the CD. She enjoyed herself and would love to do it more. I told her that she was using her gifts and that's why it was invigorating to speak in public. I can't wait to get a copy of that CD. I am so proud of her!
(Later)As I was exercising on my floor mat, I heard little piglet gasp for air. When I came to check on him, he was gone. Even in animals, it is obvious when their life is gone. For some reason, this broke my heart, and I had to cry and cry. The boys asked me later if I cried and I said, I bawled! Which made them want to cry. But now I'm okay. Dear little pig. If I loved his little life that much, how much more does God love us?
I got so much done today. I finally brought over our bags of every day summer clothes and have been doing wash. I worked 30 min. in the old house and it's amazing what one can do with a little timer. I made twice baked potatoes and lettuce salad with hot bacon dressing for supper. Naomi called. They were in New Orleans last week, working with a church to rebuild a church building. She said that there is still so much destruction evident from Hurricane Katrina, even 7 years later. The government has not been in a hurry to rebuild everything because it's been a tourist attraction, which I think is just wrong. Naomi was in a marriage seminar this week where they taught them how to counsel those whose marriages are falling apart. She shared some interesting things. God is for us. The word 'for' also means 'toward.' God's heart is 'toward' us. He gave His life for us. He thinks about what is best for us and acts accordingly. If spouses lived that way towards each other, there would be no room for selfish behavior. If my husband's heart is towards me and my heart is towards him, we won't be acting selfishly by looking away from each other to try to get our needs met. We will be thinking about what they might like instead of thinking about what we want. It is easy to get distracted. It is not always another person who can distract our heart from our spouse. It can be work, church, sports, financial worries, financial success, the troubles of life, etc. But I like this thought about living with my heart towards my spouse. So, right now, I am turning my heart towards Phil. I know he is outside, checking on the farm. I wonder what he's doing out there.(Found out later he was checking out his corn field in the low grounds and he saw a large coyote.) I know he's tired and could use an early night to catch up on sleep. Maybe I can do something about that by adjusting my schedule. There-that wasn't so hard!
Just as we can turn our thoughts toward God numerous times a day, we can turn our hearts toward our spouse many times a day and send loving thoughts towards them and pray for them. It's a decision we can make and it can become a delightful habit. It's kind of like living in the land of thanksgiving and finding the good in everything. It changes our perspective. I wonder, if at the root of most divorce, we would find a well of selfishness. And I wonder, if at the root of steadfast marriages, we could find a well of selflessness. I don't know for sure. We say it takes two, but sometimes, it does take just one. One to sabotage it. One to bring healing. Be the one that brings life.

"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus,....who made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men.." (Phil. 2:5,7,3,4)
"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

If we did this, marriage counselors would be out of a job.
If we did this, we would be loving each other just as Christ loved us.
If we gave ourselves up for our spouses, as Christ gave Himself up for us,
I think we would surprised by good, sweet, joyfulness.

I want to be more intentional in turning my heart toward Phil.

Wed.-Thinking about the little village of Emmaus, where Jesus broke bread and so revealed himself to two very disillusioned and heart-broken followers. Emmaus means 'warm wells.' Oh, Jesus, break Your bread and reveal Yourself to us in the village of warm wells. May all our springs be in You.
Naomi asked me yesterday what was my favorite part about London and I answered, "Bouroughs Market." She said, "The French Market was my favorite part of New Orleans!" Maybe we should have a TV show and go visit one market in every state and then perhaps the world.
Judy treated me to lunch at Country Cookin' for my birthday. She also gave me a beautiful turquoise and green necklace and napkins with butterflies on them to make into pretty plates. Sammy Jo wanted to make sure that I had butterflies on my napkins. Then we went to Goodwill and Judy yelled my name across the store and I came running and she was so pleased to introduce me to a co-worker of hers. She's been wanting us to meet. We had such a nice time in Goodwill. I found two dressy blouses for Judy and they fit her perfectly. I threw a flipflop at her when I was hiding in another aisle and startled her. There's a story behind wanting to scare her but it might be top secret so I guess I shouldn't share.
Stopped at the bank and chatted with a friend, and went to Walmart, and then home. I love to be out. But I LOVE to be home. I love to be out with good friends and I love to come home to my family. I made hot sausage, brown rice, and all kinds of vegetables stir-fried together. Added soy sauce and other spices and mixed it all up together and everyone loved it. Susan came back from Happy Valley, sunburned and dirty from head to toe from planting and mulching. She said, "I love to work! Food tastes so much better when you're really hungry...Just look at my muscles!" I took her to Calvary Chapel for youth group and later, when I went to pick her up, brought Lucy along for her to show her friends. The guys worked late and then Nolte came running out to them and wanted them to come in for supper. Steak. Potatoes. Chicken Cordon Bleu. Etc. So, we'll have leftovers for tomorrow. This meal gets better with age, anyway. Michael stayed home today and worked around the farm, mowing the lane, etc. He only got about 2 hours of sleep. He would stop breathing during the night and had to force himself to breathe. We think it had something to do with the turkeys and the shavings in the pen, etc. Philip will clean off Michael's bed so Mike can sleep in the bedroom instead of in the mancave with the peeping turkeys.(We realized later that it was probably an allergy to the antibiotics he is taking that caused him to have difficulty with his breathing.)

Thurs.-Deut.33:27-"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Phil gave me a huge hug today and said it was from the Abbott. Phil said the Abbott appreciates Freeman, Philip, and Michael, working down there. Mike really enjoyed meeting him for the first time this week. Susan is working at Happy Valley again today and I am babysitting Lucy. Right now, she has her head resting on my toes and she is sound asleep. I could get used to this. Michael went out to Lynchburg to take an aviation test and to pick up his and Philip's tuxes for Erik and April's wedding. Three of mine are in the wedding. The two boys and Alli. It is noon and I've already gotten so much done today. I made a chart with graph paper and listed jobs and each square equals 15 min. I check off the squares when I've finished my project. I read/study for an hour in the morning and exercise for an hour as well. Also read Mother's journal for 15 min. As long as I don't open my laptop, it works. By then, it is 8 or 8:30 and then I start in with my other things. I pulled weeds for 15 min. I worked in the old house for 30 since I missed yesterday. I cleaned up outside for 15 min. I need to clean our bedroom for 30 min. and clean the kitchen for 30 min. too. Plus Micah is coming for the afternoon. I'll get Janelle to drive us over to Happy Valley and I'll bring Micah back in the gator so we have it here. Michael drove it over there to get the mower yesterday. Susan and I are going to start eating lettuce/raw vegetables in proportion to our other food. In other words, for lunch, I took a wad of homegrown lettuce and piled it onto the bottom of my dish and then I added just as much rice/sausage/vegetable mix on top. No dressing needed and it was delicious. Thanks to Nevin and Eileen's homegrown hydroponicly grown Boston Bibb Lettuce that Meredith brought me. $2.50 a head but it's worth it.
I've been thinking this thought. "Find peace in the midst of the storm. Don't wait until the storm is over."
Micah and I watch Ratatouille and ate buttered popcorn after I trimmed his bangs. His karate teacher said they needed to be above his eyebrows because his helmet pushed them down below his eyes. Janelle had a nice time exploring potential educational opportunities this afternoon. Susan and I went back over to Happy Valley and finished planting the flowers. We watered things well. Philip and Michael are at some sort of Erik party tonight. I found the dehydrator and am drying meadow and peppermint tea over night. In the oven, I am drying parsley. I set the temp. at 170 and dried it for an hour and when I headed for bed, I turned the oven off and the oven light on. We'll see how it looks in the morning. The house smells wonderful with its mix of mint and parsley.

Fri.-Joshua 18:3-"How long will you neglect to go and possess the land which the LORD God of your fathers has given you?" Josh. 21:45-"Not a word failed of any good thing which the LORD had spoken to the house of Israel. All came to pass."
Went out to Appomattox to take Lucy to the vet for her shots. Went to Mikayla's graduation at CCA. Picked up Lucy afterwards and brought her back to school for Dr. Hubler to hold and fall in love with. Picked up mower belt and headed home. Michael mowed Happy Valley and our place. It's a good thing. It's supposed to rain every day next week. Picked up Kelly G. at New Life while Susan finished her Biology test here at home. Kelly and I went to Walmart and got two rakes. Susan and Kelly raked the grass over at Happy Valley and then I took them to Graham's last game. His team won!

Sat.-Jordan W., Kelly, Philip, Susan, Michael, Phil and I here for homemade sausage breakfast. Girls are nursing another little pig that got trampled on. They have a list of odd jobs to do for me and then they are going over to H.V. to finish raking. I worked on the house. I am so far behind from everything that happened this month. Today, it's been a month since Mother died and I've been more emotional about it these past few days than I have all along. Perhaps its because I started back to reading her journals. Went to Erik and April's wedding at Wilke's Lake at 5. Philip and Michael looked so handsome and Alli looked so pretty. April walked down the aisle with her daddy while Jay sang, "...But I can't help falling in love with you." I love, love, love that song. The weather was perfect. There were some bittersweet moments but it was mostly sweet. The reception was at the airport. We got to dancing later on and that was fun. I danced the chicken dance. That's about what I can sort of do. Oh, and Phil and I slow danced but we don't know what we're doing. The star of the show was the ring bearer, Caleb, who is in love with my daughter, Susan. And she's in love with him too. He comes to say 'hi' to her, and then he just stares at her. It's the cutest thing. Well, this boy can dance. I took a few videos and then my camera ran out of battery power. Philip caught the garter and Heather caught the bouquet. Susan wanted to catch the bouquet to make sure things stayed on the up and up and they did because Philip put the garter on Heather's ankle. The groomsmen decorated the couple's vehicle with all kinds of unmentionable items. The bride and groom walked through a cloud of bubbles and well wishes. We left soon afterwards. Michael and Philip helped Chace take down the chairs at Wilke's Lake and set them back up at Maysville. Lucy was crying when we got home and Susan rescued her. Poor little dear was all alone for over 5 hours. Angel wanted to come in and instead of going to her place beside Phil, she came back here to be beside me while I type. What is the world coming to? Perhaps she just wanted to get away from the puppy. I'm sure that's it.
Oh-I wrote a little ditty for Erik and April's card. It goes, "Enjoy your life with your wife, and be a fan of your man." It seems like there should be more. Let's see, "Love the Lord with all your heart, and from your love never depart." Or "Love her body, soul, and heart, and don't spend too much time apart." I wanted to say something like never becoming an old fart, but just couldn't work it in, besides, I never say that word.

Sun.-Been contemplating some questions the disciples asked Jesus. #1-Who's the greatest? and #2-Lord is it I? Number two question is the hardest one to ask. We took Kelly to New Life with us. (Susan went to Calvary with Michael. There was a youth group picnic at Holliday Lake after church. She hiked 6 plus miles and got a large blister on her heel. Picked her and Andrew F. up around 7.) Pastor Frank shared 4 progressions toward deception. 1.-Question God's Word. 2.-Change God's Word. 3.-Deny God's Word. 4.-Replace God's Word. Prepare yourself for the masquerade party by saturating yourself with truth. I've been thinking about that verse in Isaiah where it says that dark clouds will cover the people. A storm is coming. It will affect all of us. We must stay close to God and to each other. We must have water and food and warmth and shelter. Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Get ready. For thick darkness will cover the people and all will not be well. People will think they are right with God because they have peace but they will be loveless and their hearts will be cold. God, save us from ourselves. Save us from the pride that refuses to ask the question, "Lord, is it I? Am I to blame? Am I deceived? Am I the reason?"
I felt pretty sad in church today. Some people we all love are leaving and it is hard to see them go. At the same time, I release them, to go and be used of God, and to do that which they are passionate about and makes them happiest, and I know, that if it is best for them to go, it is best for us that they go, just like it was best that Jesus go, so He could send the comforter, the Holy Spirit. They are leaving for good reasons and I am so happy about that. But I still feel sad and now I seem to miss my mother more, too. So much releasing and letting go. Nothing ever remains the same. If it did, we would put our trust in the sameness. Instead, we have to trust God and stay close to Him, while He remains changeless and the world we live in, spins.
Freeman and Alli came over for to use the internet service for a little bit. I took a nap. Phil went to a meeting. Chace walked over from the pond and said Hello before he left. Later, Philip, Michael, Jordan, and Travis came into the house and I made them chocolate chip waffles and put Breyer's chocolate ice cream in between them. Also grilled ham, cheese, and onion sandwiches. Dessert comes first on Sundays.
I called my sister, Rosalee today. It's been three years since her son, Abie, was killed in a car accident. Her church friends have been looking out for them. They were going to a hot dog roast. She was so thankful that I remembered. She seems to be really doing well in regards to Mother's death. She thinks it is because Mother prayed for her, knowing that it would be hard on her when she died. I've been reading one of Mother's journals and I am not sure if it's been a good idea. I think I need to put the cup of sorrow on the shelf for awhile. On a lighter note, Lucy loves to chase Angel around and hang onto her tail. Angel growls and Lucy doesn't take the hint. Her mouth has black fuzz from Angel's tail sticking out of it and she unsuccessfully tries to spit out her furry collection.

Passover Songs

Today I was reading in Mother's Bible and noticed a note on verse 26, chapter 14 of Mark's Gospel. "And when they had sung a hymn..." They sang this hymn at the last supper during Passover. The note said that the hymn they sang was most likely taken from Psalms 115-118. These are the Psalms that were traditionally sung at the Passover meal. And so I looked them up.

There is something in me that always wishes I could have been there for Him when He was going through these last few days of His life. I wish I could have held Him, comforted Him, been the one to annoint Him with oil to show that I understood what was ahead for Him.

It gives me great comfort to know that perhaps He sang some of the following words before He left that upper room and made His way to the Garden of Gethsemane, where He would struggle with His will and His cup to drink and the horrors of taking on the sin of the world.

"Oh, Israel, trust in the LORD;
He is their help and their shield...

I love the LORD, because He has heard
My voice and my supplications,
Because He has inclined His ear to me,
Therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.

The pains of death surrounded me,
And the pangs of Sheol laid hold of me;
I found trouble and sorrow.
Then I called upon the name of the LORD;
'O LORD, I implore You, deliver my soul!'

Gracious is the LORD, and righteous;
Yes, our God is merciful.
The LORD preserves the simple;
I was brought low, and He saved me.

Return to your rest, O my soul,
For the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.

For You have delivered my soul from death,
My eyes from tears,
And my feet from falling.
I will walk before the LORD
In the land of the living...

Precious in the sight of the LORD
Is the death of His saints...

I called on the LORD in distress;
The LORD answered me and set me in a broad place.
The LORD is on my side;
I will not fear,
What can man do to me?

I shall not die, but live,
and declare the works of the LORD,
The LORD has chastened me severely,
But He has not given me over to death.

The stone which the builders rejected
Has become the chief cornerstone.
This was the LORD's doing;
It is marvelous in our eyes.

This is the day the LORD has made;
We will rejoice and be glad in it.

I am sure these words held Him, comforted Him,
and annointed Him with their oil of understanding.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Sealing and Setting

Mother had these words underlined in her Bible in Matthew 27:66 and I keep being drawn back to them. "So they went and made the tomb secure; sealing the stone and setting the guard."

Jesus had said He would rise from the dead and the chief priests and Pharisees believed Him. They went to Pilate and said, "Sir, we remember, while He was still alive, how that deceiver said, 'After three days I will rise.' Therefore command that the tomb be made secure until the third day, lest His disciples come by night and steal Him away, and say to the people, 'He has risen from the dead.' So the last deception will be worse than the first.
Pilate said to them, "You have a guard; go your way, and make it as secure as you know how."
So they went and made the tomb secure; sealing the stone and setting the guard.

Jesus promises us a resurrection of hope.
And sometimes, we are afraid of it.
And we destroy the promise and bury it.
We make the tomb secure;
sealing the stone
and setting the guard.

Self-righteousness has no idea what to do with the risen Lord.
It makes the tomb secure.
It strives to lock in the Redeemer,
sealing the stone
and setting the guard.

But Jesus, the Resurrected Savior,
did not need Angels to roll away the stone.
He could walk through obstructions.
Angels rolled the stone away
so we could come in and see the empty tomb.

It's time we stopped making our tomb secure.
It's time we stopped sealing the stone
and setting the guard.

It's time to be free.

We lock our dreams in the tomb,
fearing success, fearing failure,
and we seal the stone
and set the guard.

We lock our hearts in the tomb,
reserving segments of our love,
just in case we are wounded,
so we have some reserve,
and we seal the stone
and set the guard.

Oh Jesus!
You who broke the bounds of death!
Roll away the stones we have placed in front of our graves!
Call us forth like Lazarus to "Come forth" into the light of day!
Commission those around us to unwrap our grave clothes
and set us free!
Break the seals and the guards we have set over
the life of God within us!

Help us forget about dying
and help us to LIVE!

My Sister's Tribute to Our Mother

The following is Rosalee's (my only and older sister) tribute to our mother
shared at Mother's funeral service, April 21, 2012.

Dearest Mother...

Not only have you been an outstanding Mother and Grandmother to all of us,
but for me....
you've also been one of my closest friends...

I cannot possibly comprehend so sorely I will miss you,
but will take courage
and hold before me the unfailing Hope
that this separation is only temporary...
that we will be together again some day.

I am also so relieved that you no longer must struggle
with that terrible lung disease...
but can breathe freely now, without any effort.

I know you are in the GLORIOUS land,
With the GLORIOUS One-Jesus Himself-the King of kings and Lord of lords
and in the presence of your loving Heavenly Father.

You are with those you loved so much, who have gone before you...
and you will now be able to meet those biblical saints
you so faithfull read about...for so many years-
3 chapters every day, 2 from the Old Testament and 1 from the New.

You will also meet the many great Christians,
whose books you loved to read and mediated on...

I can only imagine your first conversation with C.S.Lewis!
Rosalee continued:
On Januaary 1, 2009, I wrote this little "Thank-you" tribute to you:

Dearest Mother!

For your gracious generosity,

For your striving after TRUTH,

For your years of sacrifice and toil,

For your creative mothering,

For your endearing laugh and ways,

For your honest and real humanity,

For your love of all forms of beauty,

For your awe of creation and Creator,

We THANK-YOU!~~~~~~~

Till REUNION DAY, Mother dear....

All our Love,
Abie, Rosalee, Alan, Annette, and David
It's interesting.
Every time I read Rosalee's tribute,
I hear her voice reading it,
as well as the congregation's
tearful response.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Epitaphs and Significance

"I'm not worth much," Mother said, as she laid her head back on her pillow.
Mother hated to be a bother to anyone.
 She'd much rather take care of someone else than be taken care of herself.

Our Mom's and More group was studying a book entitled, "Grace-Based Parenting."
It said that our children's three driving inner needs are a need for security, significance, and strength.
To meet these needs, we give them love, purpose, and hope.

All of us have the same needs.

I wonder.
When it's our turn to be too weak to do anything
and we need help with everything,
how will we find security, significance, and strength?

Who will give us love, purpose, and hope?

My mother was very sick during the time I was reading the chapter referred to above.
That's when she said, "I'm not worth much."

I haven't figured this out yet.
But I think that we are strengthened when we think others like us.
And we tend to think that our significance comes from what we do.
And we are probably most secure when we know that our future has hope.

But what if that's all gone?

What if no one cares about all the great things we've done and who we used to be?
What if we can't do anything or produce anything?
What if we have only a little strength and there is no hope of getting it back?

What then?
Do we not have love, hope, or purpose
because we do not have security, significance, or strength?

I saw it plain as day, after my mother said those despairing words.

Her security is this:
Jesus loves her.

Her significance is this:
Jesus loves her.

Her strength is this:
Jesus loves her.

Jesus loving her
IS her love,
her hope,
her purpose.

To just lay there and be loved is enough.

Jesus loves us,
not because of our significance,
but because He is love.
Even if I had never come to Him,
He would love me,
just because I am.

I looked at my mother.
I thought about how much she had done.
What a great mother she was.
What a wonderful friend.
Artist, poet, retreat maker, first female board member of our high school,
 first woman elder at our church, teacher, etc. etc.
All these things she had done.

But her significance, her security, her strength
had nothing to do with these things.

Perhaps that is why Jesus said that we must become like a child to enter the kingdom of heaven.

Before we do too much and receive too much acclaim.
 Before we think we are loved in proportion to our productivity.

And at the end of life,
we enter the kingdom of heaven best
as a child again.
Forgetting the significance of our past deeds
and trusting only in His love for us.

I wrote most of this a few months ago,
before Mother fell asleep in one room
and woke up in another.

I am so grateful
that she now knows her Significance, her Strength, her Security.
She walks with Him every minute of every blessed breathing day.
Philippians 3:8~"Yet indeed I also count all things (my significance, my strength, my security) loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ..."
I was asked one time, what I would like my epitaph to say. I think I said something like, "Loving wife, mother, friend..." But I think it would be better to have it say, "Jesus loved her, this she knew."

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Hertzler Doings~May 7-13, 2012

Mon.-In England. Leisurely morning with tea and a book. Granary toast, cereal, and fruit for breakfast. Went to see a beautiful church in a nearby town. Stopped for groceries. After we dropped groceries back home we went the other way for about an hour. Went to Castle Rising Village and Castle and Church. Had lunch in their Unique tea room and did some shopping at the Unique gift shop. Susan and I tried on some hats. The lady there told us that the queen attends the church there sometimes. Walked in the rain. On the drive home, Phil saw the same two foxes playing in the field as he had seen on the way. We also saw a piggery, rich loamy farming soil, and canola flower fields. We took naps when we got home. I slept 2 hours. Played Chicken Feet with Dominoes again. Laughed so hard I cried over Uncle Dan's funny remarks and Aunt Myrts comebacks.

Tues.-Up early. Breakfast of tea and pastries. Went to bus station. Said our good-byes and thank you's and drove 2 1/2 hours to Heathrow Airport. Got to airport 3 hours ahead of take off but that was fine. At lunch at The Giraffe after going through security. Did some last minute shopping for family in Va. Long 8 hour flight on way home. Watched and slept through three movies-War Horse, Up, and We Bought a Zoo. Had two meals. Arrived back to waiting car around 6:30 and Phil, bless his heart, drove us home, while Susan and I could not stay awake. Michael was here, playing guitar on the porch, waiting to welcome us home. He had the Liberty kids here to enjoy the farm this past weekend. Philip was fishing with Ricky in Pa. and stayed overnight at G'pa Hertzler's.

Wed.-Dragging. Wishing for night to come all day. Stuffed head. Sat still and had a cup of tea in the morn. and then I vacuumed and washed the floor, washed three loads of clothes, made egg and olive salad, chicken soup, and cream puffs. Susan is enjoying everything on the farm and is so happy. Turkeys are hatching. 13 baby pigs were born while we were gone. Susan brought in the runt. He was happy and quiet with her but as soon as I tried to hold him, he screamed bloody murder. Lucy is doing well. She couldn't get enough of Susan. Chewed on her blue gym shorts. Garden is full of weeds. Yard needed mowing. Susan was outside for half of the day. Phil, Susan, and I watched a turkey hatch. Susan videotaped it. Phil's been catching up on the computer and phone calls. He called Iris's daughter and we will try to get with them some time soon. Her husband pastors a church in Dillwyn. Alli dropped in after work. Janelle and Micah stopped in after karate to see the baby turkeys and pigs. Philip had so much fun showing them his farming projects. I finally got up enough mental energy to write down the last week and a half in my blog. We enjoyed our time in England. It was good to see the sights. But it was especially good to be literally picked up by Erin in a big bear hug and have time with her. And it was especially good to be with Uncle Dan and Aunt Myrt. I think my favorite thing about the whole trip was the Buroughs market-the sampling of cultures from around the world, and playing Chicken Feet in the eves. when I didn't know what Uncle Dan was going to say next. I learned some things about the British. They take better care of the earth than we do. They recycle just about everything. They ration their water use. They are not overweight. They don't judge by appearances. And they give to charities./// Yippee! It is now 8:45 and I can go to bed. It would be past midnight over there. No wonder I've been begging for sleep.

Thurs.-54 years old today. Missing Mother and her card and kind affirming words. Had a wonderful day. Lots of people saying happy birthday's on face book. A bit overwhelming. Ginger called. She said,'You are too near and dear to me to just say Happy Birthday on face book.' Abie, David, and Rosalee, my siblings, called. Missi, Michelle, Dianna, Judy, and Lindsay called. Phil called too, to wish me a Happy Birthday. And Freeman And Alli called, separately from each other. Susan and I went out to CCA at 1:30 to watch the elementary play. It was so well done. The kids were hugging me and parents were asking if I was coming back. Went shopping at Walmart with Susan. Dropped off Pig Roast invitations at the printers. June 16-4:00. Would love if you'd come. Dropped Susan off at Subway to meet Doreen and Graham. Got my hair cut. Went to Krogers. Joined Susan and Lydia at Grahams game at the high school. Graham made the best goal of the night and his team won before the second half was finished. Met a little girl on the bleachers named Catherine. She talked and talked. So smart she was. Looked just like I picture Adi to look when she is six or seven. Catherine had skipped a grade and was in 2nd grade and knew all her times tables. She, too, has been in Cancun. She whispered secrets in my ear and showed me her gymnastic moves and in my heart, I prayed for her. I knew she was my birthday gift from God. I felt like I had been with Adi. God also gave me Susan's face book message. This made me cry too. "Happy Birthday to my mom! :) She is the most thoughtful and kind person I know. I love you mom! :) So glad I get to spend the day with you.:)" Michael had a dozen pink roses waiting for me when we got home. Philip gave me a birthday hug since I was asleep when he left this morning. Phil was at a meeting this evening.(He took me to England for my birthday, but we will have my birthday family supper tomorrow. Michael's making fish and chips. And cole slaw. Susan is making Mother's Day Lunch. Bruschetta and Chicken Caesar salad.) Philip, Michael, Jordan, and I think, Erik, went fishing over at the pond. Took wood over to make a fire. Today, I wasn't nearly as jet-lagged. Susan's head is stuffed today like mine was yesterday. Our eyes and nose are burning. I should have gotten that Airborne stuff to take to build your immune system when flying. I do not like to fly. I take Bonine and it really helps me not to care that I am in the air. Otherwise, I panic a bit and feel sick. But Bonine is my friend. Dramamine works too. But it gives me a high and I say terrible things. Phil said one time that he could only hope it would wear off soon. And here I thought I was the funniest person alive. When it did wear off, I collapsed and fell asleep with my head on his lap on the plane, much to his relief. I still am a little embarassed about my behavior under the influence of Dramamine. Oh well, I'm almost half past 50. It's time not to worry so much about things like that. Right?
Birthday verses God gave me today. Located in Ex. 35:30-34. Underlined in Mother's Bible. "See the LORD has called by name, Bezalel the son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah; and He has filled him with the Spirit of God, in wisdom and understanding, in knowledge and all manner of workmanship, to design artistic works, to work in gold and silver and bronze, in cutting jewels for setting, in carving wood, and to work in all manner of artistic workmanship. And He has put in his heart the ability to teach..." I love these verses. I take them personally.

Fri.-Weeded the gardens and replanted bean seeds. Exercised. Made chicken potpie. Worked on cleaning up some more. Caught up with Lindsay, Dianna, Teresa, and Judy. Susan and I still so congested. Whole family here for my birthday supper of batter fried fish and homemade fries, coleslaw, chocolate cake and butterscotch pudding. Played Chicken Foot Dominoe game. Everyone liked it. I won. :) Nice party.

Sat.-Great day. Susan up early mulching and weeding Happy Valley with Meredith-5:30. I took a walk/jog for 15 min. Cleaned the house. Went to Homeschool Graduation at New Life. Went to Belks to pick up some Clinique for Susan. Our girl, Mandy, was there and also Mary. We had to cancel Susan's make up date for the prom because of Mother's funeral, and right away, without me saying anything, they expressed their sympathy about losing mother and Mandy said that she had been thinking about me last night and was going to call and see how we were. She came around the counter and hugged me. Then she gave me a free full sized lipstick since their promotional sample lipsticks were all gone. Going into Belks and talking to the clerks is like having real church. Came home and vacuumed and washed the floors. Susan and Phil went to pick up her puppy. She took a picture and put it on face book for us right away. She said that she was going to say that she'll probably never look quite that happy again except for on her wedding day, but I am not sure if she wrote that or not because we were looking at the picture on Michael's phone. Maybe she just sent it to his phone. I took a walk to my lonely chapel and resolved to go there more often. I sat there until I had peace of mind and then walked home with Angel. Made some popcorn and chatted with the boys and now I am typing away, waiting for the happy girl, her boxer puppy, and her precious father to get home.

Sun.-What a late night we had last night. Found some fleas on Lucy, Susan's boxer pup and we had to give her a flea bath and she was rather unhappy with the whole procedure. Susan is going to change her calf's name to Jessie. Lucy Lou is what we call the little darling. She cried in her pen so Susan brought her to bed with her and put her in the indented round pillow and she peacefully slept beside her most of the night. Susan woke up with Lucy standing on her chest, looking into her face, around 5:30 this morning because she had to go-"for about 2 minutes," Susan said. Susan is in love. We went to church and had an interesting service but Susan was wanting to get home as soon as possible to check on her. Susan also made Mother's Day lunch-bruschetta and Caesar salad, and we chipped in and gave her a hand. Freeman, Alli, Susan, and I played the dominoe game while the others took naps. Phil, Susan, and I watched Mission Impossible #4 in the eve. At lunch,Phil had everyone tell some of the earliest memories they had of me. Michael read me Prov. 31, and replaced 'woman' with 'mom'. It was a very nice relaxing day. Oh! Lindsay preached today at her church. I wish I could have heard her! She told me what she was going to share. It was an idea from her book and so insightful. Today is Mother's Day and Mother is with God and it's her day every day! Oh what a time she is having!

Hertzler Doings-April 30-May 6, 2012

Mon.-Reading Mother's NKJV Life Application Bible. Reading just what is underlined. She underlined Gen. 15:1-"The Word of the LORD came to Abraham in a vision, saying, 'Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedlingly great reward.'
And because I am thinking about armor bearers, I read in that verse, "God is My Armor. He IS my shield. And He bears me up and carries me on eagle's wings." While reading around that part of the Bible, I came across an interesting verse in Gen. 35:22. "Rueben went in and lay with his father's concubine, Bilhah, and Israel heard about it" and so has the rest of the world for that matter. Bilhah was the mother of his half brothers, Dan and Naphtali. Reuben was Leah's first born. Bilhah was Rachel's maid. A psychologist would have a hayday unpacking this mess. Can you imagine the family dynamics? And years down the road, Jesus was born into the line of this very human family, just as He is born into the line of other very human and disfunctional families. Thanks be to God for His speakable gift. Well, back to Rueben. I thought of a few things. #1. What is done in secret will be shouted from the housetops and it may even go to print. #2. What you do in secret will not only affect those involved and all family relationships related to those involved, but it will also affect many other people. #3. Rueben did not love Bilhah. He lusted after her. You do not sleep around with people you love. You love them more. You love them and keep them in the will of God for their life. You love them and help them to see the good in their spouses. You trust them and guard them from falling, but you always remember that even though a man or a woman is faithful to their spouse, you cannot trust their sin nature and you never ever trust the devil. He will make what is evil look good. He can even give you a sense of peace and you may think God is leading you towards the beautiful side of evil. But one day, you will come to your senses, and you will say, "I was deceived. It was like I had been put under a spell." It does not always feel peaceful to do the right thing. There will be a battle between your soul, your body, and your spirit. Your spirit, where God lives, must win. Your body must obey your Spirit and so must your soul. It is the only way out of any temptation. And don't ever think that this couldn't happen to you. And don't ever point a judgmental finger. If you were in their shoes and had their marriage and their difficult childhood, you might be just as tempted as they were. In every relationship, there is an ebb and flow. Ebb means "the flowing of the tide back to sea, a weakening or a lessening, to recede, as the tide." Flow means "to come in; rise; as the tide." It is important to not freak out when you sense an ebbing of the flow of love. It is also important for the flow to return and for the tide to not keep going out. Never let the ebb flow to the point of no return. Be the one to draw it back in to shore.
Emma called Philip today. She was very excited that Miss Pretty, his pig, was about to have babies. Catch up day. Felt like a truck ran over me.

Tues.-out to town for homeschool co-op. Lunch with Michelle M. at Chick Fillet. Last meeting with KNIT group in eve.

Wed.-Final wash of clothes. Went to Dr. F. for foot adjustment. So much better. Packing. Cleaning. Contact info. taped to cabinet. Left home around 2:45 in the afternoon. Stopped for cash at Ruthie's bank. Stopped at Walmart at Zion's crossroads to pick up a few last minute items. Arrived at Dullas, in D.C. around 6:40. Parked in Economy parking for $10 a day. Got in line to check in baggage behind a gazillions British atheletes dressed in blue. Phil befriended one. Another bumped into Susan and said, "Oh, sorry Love." Discovered at the ticket desk that the team had taken our tickets so we were bumped up to World Class Traveler-which was next to first class. Very nice. Left Dullas around 10:30 at night.

Thurs.-Uncle Dan's met us at the Heathrow Airport around 11 in the morning. We had about 2 hours worth of delays in the air. It was smoggy and foggy in London so we were in a holding pattern for awhile. We checked into a Travelodge in downtown London. Our room smelled really bad and the floor was wet. They changed us into another room the next day and were going to tear up the floor to find the leak, etc. We had lunch and met Erin and Emily there, and then took a red bus all around London. We sat upstairs in the open air, but after awhile, it was too cold and rainy, so we came downstairs. We saw the sights and decided what we wanted to see close up tomorrow. I should have taken more notes for this day. Can't seem to get used to driving on the wrong side of the road. Kept falling asleep during the ride. It was great to see Erin. She, Emily, and Susan went shopping after we were tucked in for the night. Susan had a great time with them. Public transportation is pretty amazing in London. Uncle Dan had purchased us Oyster cards and we'd swipe them for the subway, bus, etc. They were hooked into his bank account and if we needed more money, the card would draw on his bank account. Susan and I were awakened around 1 that night by loud voices. I took my earplugs out in case I was going to hear a murder. Susan thinks they were drunk. They were right outside our window in the alley. I fell asleep again before they finished doing whatever they were doing.

Fri.-We had breakfast at Wings on Drury Lane. Met Erin there. Walked all around London. Weather cold and damp. Walked at least 5 miles. We heard artists singing and playing in a tunnel like area with their guitar cases open. Aunt Myrt always gave money to the muscicians and the mime guy with the invisible head. I am not writing this in the order in which we did it but here goes. We walked to Buckingham Palace and saw the changing of the guard and the beautiful gardens and had a creamy ice cream cone called 99-Erin's treat. We saw Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, St. Paul's Cathedral, Museum of Natural Arts (Is that the right name, Erin?), Millenium Bridge, drank hot chocolate at Neros at the Hinde coffeeshop, found a pen on the table that said, "In quietness and trust shall be your strength," which was just what I needed to read at the time. I kept the pen. Saw the eye, the great ferris wheel. Had lunch at Burroughs Market-some sort of Caribbean rice and chicken curry. Saw an artist painting Big Ben and I talked with him for a bit. Took pictures with the big lions on T...? square. Witnessed an altercation between a young man who wanted to roller blade down into a tunnel area and the security guard was not letting him. It was coming to pushes and hollers and the young man was screaming, "Bugger Off!" repeatedly. Another man was on a cell phone and later we heard the police going in that direction. Don't know what happened but prayed for peace for that city. Saw sellers roasting honey peanuts or almonds on Millenial Bridge. Women were walking around in dresses with pants underneath them. One lady had a fleece housecoat on. Nobody cared what anybody looked like. Enjoyed a gelatin ice of chocolate and coconut some time Thurs. eve. Went to War Horse production just down the block from our hotel. It was incredible. Three people operated the horse puppet and after about 10 min. or so, I forgot that it wasn't a real horse. Moving and amazing.

Sat.-Met Erin at Wing's for breakfast again. Packed up and went to the underground. Said good bye to Erin. Will see her in 3 weeks so I didn't have to cry. Then took train to Cambridge. Saw yellow fields of flowers that would be turned into canola oil. Beautiful English Countryside and villages and a bit of sunshine! Many men dressed in jackets and ties and headed to the horse races. Went to the market at Bury-St. Edmunds and Cambridge. Met people from the states who had a german shepherd puppy, and later, people who had a boxer, and then someone who had a boston terrier. Our three favorite dogs. Went into a cathedral church there and a choir and orchestra was practicing Verdi's Requiem which was out of this world in beauty. The church had stained glass windows and it's acoustics could make anyone sound good but these people could sing! Had lunch at the market-carrot soup with coriander. Interesting. Uncle Dan and Phil went out to bring back 'take away' supper after we were settled at at their place. Fish and chips. British style.

Sun.-Leisurely breakfast-Aunt Myrts homemade coffee cake. Went to their church-St. John's at Beckrow. Uncle Dan is the Anglican priest there. He looked rather dignified in his off white garments. The service reminded me about why I am 50% Anglican. The liturgy, the hymns, the ten min. sermon that was deep and to the point, the lay people reading the two different scriptures, everything mapped out with not alot of surprises. Sermon started out with him saying that having company has its down points. He had to wash windows this week in preparation for our coming. The news print made his hands black and he needed soap and hot water to wash it off and it didn't take it all off. Like the world, being imprinted into him. Wouldn't it be great if we would receive the imprint of God's word in our lives and never be able to wash it off? After the service we went over to the church hall and had hot chocolate, coffee, or tea with cookies and biscuits. We had lovely visits with the ladies, esp. one, named Iris, who has a daughter who lives not far from us. We have her contact information and will call her when we get back home. Had a delicious lunch of grilled cheese and ham sandwiches, crisps (chips), celery, fruit, and Cantebury Chocolate wafer cookies. Phil and Uncle Dan went to an airplane museum. Larry R. had told Phil not to miss it. We ladies planned to stroll around some nearby gardens and take photos but it began to rain in earnest, so we had tea and watched two movies-"Calendar Girls" which Aunt Myrt described as naughty, nice, and a little bit sad. It was. And we also watched Ladies in Lavender. Uncle Dan took a nap with his cat, Molly, when they got back home. I recorded some of Aunt Myrt's childhood memories while Phil asked her questions. Susan spent some time deleting the not so good pictures from her camera. Uncle Dan, who is quite the photographer, took a look at her pictures and said that she was a much better photographer than him. He was impressed with her macro setting. We had chicken breasts, new potatoes, corn, gravy, and waldorf salad for supper. We played two rousing games of Chicken Feet with Dominoes. I won both games. We ate pecan pie and heath ice cream and went to bed around 11. I didn't sleep well and woke up early. We missed a super moon due to the clouds.