How Not to Win the Woman of Your Dreams

or "How Not to Get a Date on e-harmony.com.

The other evening, I went to Barnes and Noble with a friend to hear about her latest adventures. Life has thrown a few curve balls her way and one of the ways she is dealing with them is to look for a male companion on e-harmony. She was telling me about some of the information that potential men post and then she queried, "Why would you say that?" in her cute, perky way and I was slapping my leg and shrieking and then I said, "Wait a minute. I have to write this down," so I found a homemade envelope that a second grade origami artist had given to me and I jotted down the things she said. As I was cleaning off my desk this evening, I found my notes. I hope you find them as funny as I did. I write them in the order she said them.

How Not to Win the Woman of Your Dreams.
Listen up Men. Don't do the following:

~Display a cut-off photo of yourself with your ex-partner's head of hair still showing.
~Say you have bad news-you're unemployed and have physical disabilities.
~List 'sex' as one of your top four passions.
~Post a slouching mugshot of yourself.(She acted this one out.)
~Write a poem to 'your wife to be' on your third correspondence.
~Live in Iraq
.~Forget to put in your dentures for your profile shot.
~Call her 'baby' when you barely know her.
~Say you love her right away.
~Post your whole life's story from the time you were a child until the present.
~Say that you like to sew, especially dresses.
~Admit that you are a bomb specialist.
~Make it obvious that you have no life.

I hope this is helpful. ;) For what it's worth, I know of two couples that met on e-harmony or a similar website. One couple has been happily married for several years and another couple is just about ready to tie the knot.