Mon.-Pretty wiped out from yesterday's W.Va. Mt. experience. Could sleep and sleep. Did a bit of wash, paperwork, and cooking. Called and talked to Anne for awhile. Good to hear about her life and the baby on the way. Phil and the boys working on barn to prepare for more cattle. Raising some for a friend and will split the profit. David called to check on me and told me how much they enjoyed our kids and what a good job we're doing with them. So nice to hear that from a sibling. Going to bed early.
Philip went to Olive Garden with Christi.
Thankful that Phil picked up Susan from school.
Thankful for phone call from my brother.
Thankful for his hopes of our return and talk about sledding down his hills in the winter.
Tues.-Would have stayed in bed if I could but needed to be at school for practice. It was good to go and be busy even if I still felt sick. Dr. H. called me "Sparky" because of our fire. We practiced for the program this Sunday and it's a good thing that we have two more practices. Some of the older children stand up front and look like..., well, to quote Dr. H. again, he said, "The mortician did such a fine job; they look so life like." So, in class, I divided the groups and had half of them sing while the other group observed them and then gave them some helpful 'criticism'. They sounded and looked so much better after they realized that they looked like someone was about to shoot them. We talked about being nervous and how it is part of the human experience and I told them to embrace their nervousness instead of trying to get away from it; that it was part of what makes them human and if they weren't nervous, they would be bored, etc. etc. I told them that perfect love casts out fear and that if they can look out at the people and sing for someone they love, that will really help them. The 9-12 graders worked so hard and needed a break so I brought them back to my room and let them play with play dough as they listened to classical guitar. They got real quiet and settled in to being childlike. Several of them thanked me when they left the room. Select Choir sounded really good and we went through all of the congregational songs as well as their songs and they had great fun using the microphones on stage. We came home and it was almost dark at 5 and Phil had had a good day with the adjuster and now he has to figure out how old each piece of machinery, equipment, tool was in order to get any reimbursement. Andy Stoltzfus called Phil tonight and he has been through fire several times. I don't think people realize how devastating it is until they've experienced it. We sure didn't. People might think, "Well, it's only a fire," but it's not 'only a fire.' Unless you see the raging flames and feel it's heat and hear explosions, and have oodles of firemen running here and there, etc. and see emergency vehicles on every piece of one's lawn, you don't really understand what it is like, and I am glad you don't. I hope you never do. We do have so much to be thankful for and we are thankful. I am thankful that insurance will cover the rebuilding and some of the loss. I am thankful for the people who let us know that they care. I am thankful, that as we consider what others are going through, we so often have been saying, 'What they are experiencing is so much worse than this.' I wonder if they know that we care. I guess they don't unless we let them know that we do. It is has been a real wake up call to me. If we don't care, we should not pretend that we do. But if we do care, and if we are praying, it is good to let people know. I don't think I have done that so very well in the past. People can't read my thoughts. Most of the time, I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. But it's better if we talk to people and say, "I don't know what to say," rather than just not saying anything at all. O God, help me not forget this lesson. Tonight, the song, "Does Jesus care...oh, yes, He cares. I know He cares. His heart is touched with my grief..." has been singing in my spirit. I hear it being sung in my mother's beautiful voice. "Though the days grow weary, the long nights dreary, I know my Savior cares..."
Wed.-The night was wild and windy. I've always loved that sound. But last night, it sounded like we were surrounded by the winds of fire. I got up several times to make sure it was just wind. I've been thinking about the human experience. I've never experienced a fire like that before. If we hadn't had a fire, I wouldn't have this particular human experience. I wouldn't know how it feels to wonder what I should take from the house if it would have caught on fire. All I could think of was packing up underwear and toothpaste and toothbrushes. I would have missed the family photos if I had only a minute to leave the premises. I am embracing this experience, this loss, and the fear that comes with it. Because on the other side of the Railroad track, across from fear, is trust. If I didn't fear, I wouldn't learn to trust. If we didn't have ashes, we wouldn't have the hope of the beauty that will come from them. I think I am learning not to be afraid to embrace everything about being human and I am glad. It helps me accept all of my life and not just the good and the beautiful parts of it. I am learning to be as alive when I feel depressed as I am when I feel great.
We had a good day at school. People told us they saw the smoke of the fire from Appomattox. Went to the chiropractor after school to get some help with a stiff neck and spine. She also checked Susan's finger which had been chumped by the back jaw of a calf last night and it was throbbing and numb. Fortunately, it is not broken. We dropped some milk off with Micah and Janelle. Her car won't be ready until Friday. We saw Jeanne walking Shadow along the road. It was nice to chat with her a bit. Susan and I watched 2 Christmas movies tonight before hitting the sack. Phil is at the livestock auction, buying some cattle for a friend. Michael is with some friends. I think Philip is at Bible Study with Christi but I'm not sure.
I am thankful that Dianna's little grandbaby boy arrived safely today!
I am thankful for a warm house and popcorn and Christmas movies.
I am thankful for the email from my mother.
It was nearly 60 this morning but it dropped 20 degrees by the time school was over. The kids who were bringing in the flag wanted me to feel their ears.
Thurs.-Another practice at school. I had my Christmas moment today when The Shorter Family sang their song. I could hardly pull myself back together. Isn't it strange, how you can experience difficulties, and you hang tough, but then someone sweet sings in a pure alto voice about Mary, and Jesus, and you hear little voices singing, 'O Come Let us Adore Him,' and all your walls that are holding you together come tumbling down because of that precious baby in the manger and the music that tells of Him. In art, the little K/1 girls finished their sheep. Second grade decorated little wooden tree ornaments with glitter glue, sequins, stickers, and ribbon. I found a little note from Noah. He drew a picture of himself and wrote, "You are the best art teacher ever." Just the boost I needed. Shopped for dress shoes for Susan and found them at Walmart. Bought her first pair of pantyhose. She loves converse style sneakers and ankle socks. Came home and cleaned up house. Phil is working on fire related paper work. The story of the fire was on the front page of the Times Virginian. There was a picture there of the firemen and the burned up shop. Can't sleep so decided to get up and write. Have slept very little this week.
I am thankful for the scriptures read by young children during the Lessons and Carols practice and how I felt like I was hearing them for the first time.
I am thankful that one of the young men in high school agreed to play his classical guitar music for the prelude.
I am thankful that obedience is better than sacrifice and that doing something for someone to honor them in a good attitude is better than obeying with a bad attitude.
Fri.-Went into school to practice for the program and then did a bit of shopping. Came home and did some wash and made cheddar potato soup, homemade rolls and sloppy jo meat. Watched a Christmas movie. Phil took Janelle to get her car in App. and picked up Susan and took her hunting at Rich's. Phil doing paperwork for fire. We are looking at things differently, and I do mean 'things.' Phil grieves that things were burned in the fire that other people could have been using. He has the tools he was using for a job in a storage trailer and those are unharmed. He wishes he had given to others the the things that have been burned. I am wanting to get rid of things that I am not using that would just add fuel to a fire if we had another one. What do I have that I really would be sad to lose? What things do I need? Keep those things and give the others away.. Now I need time and energy. Janelle sent me an article. One man in Lanc. City determined to get rid of 100 things in 100 days. Nice things. He sold them and gave the proceeds to MDS-Mennonite Disaster Service.
I am thankful that the process of preparing for the program has been as meaningful as I think the program will be. I am thankful that little children teach me about what is important in life. Love. Acceptance. And Reading. One could live on those things. I am thankful for the renewed desire to get rid of stuff and simplify.
Sat.-Slept for 8 hours straight. Wow! Don't know when I've ever done that. Got rid of 30 things today. Cleaned house and made a lemon sour cream pound cake. The chickens are suddenly laying oodles of eggs after being on strike all summer. Phil, Philip, and Mike are cleaning up metal and trash in the pile of shop remains. Susan is helping me clean the house and set up the Christmas tree. I put up the white manger scene on our old reddish table and it looks stark and lonely and holy and makes me cry. The little sheep have their heads and noses turned towards baby Jesus like they are checking Him out. Made a quiche with the boys homemade venison sausage and potatoes in order to use up more eggs. Watched Christmas movies with Susan and later, all 5 of us watched 'The most Wonderful time of the Year.' They enjoyed seeing 'The Fonz' in his later years. It's snowing and has been for several hours. It's making beauty out of ashes and the charred junk laying around. Cleanse me with hyssop and I shall be clean. Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. I am thankful for the crazy doings of Philip and Michael as they wrastled with each other on the floor. I am not sure whether to laugh or to scold as they yelp, pinch, and smack each other in brotherly friendship. I just stay out of the way all curled up safe on my easy chair. I did intervene when one of them yelled for help. I am thankful for the memories that Christmas ornaments evoke. I love my Sammy Jo ornament and the purple bulb with 'Redeemer' etched in gold on its side. I love all of Aunt Annie's homemade ornaments she has made for each of the children through the years. I must remember to give Freeman his. I am thankful that the love of God gathers people and does not push them away. We are so afraid to risk being hurt by others so we withhold who we are and what we have to give. Not so with God. Give us your heart, oh God, that gives to all what you have with no holding back.
Sun.-Went to Christ Church this morning. I played the piano for the four hymns. Dr. Hubler preached a good sermon on the truth of God's Word and how we can trust it because it is true. The promises God gave for a Messiah to come out of Jesse's stump all came true. If God's specific promises regarding Christ have come true, we can trust His promises in His Word for our lives. All of the Bible is here for us to learn from and the end of our learning is Hope. The purpose of the Word is to learn hope. Hope is about reality. We should be so heavenly minded that we are immensely beneficial to earthly good. Hope is having confidence and trust in God's happy ending. We, as Christian people, should be a people of God's Word because God is a God of His Word. Jesus was the Word. Scripture is God breathed just as creation was God breathed and God spoken. The power of the Word of God is its Truth. It is true. He tells the truth about what's happened and what is and what will be. We must use the Word of God to experience it's power. ~~~~I loved the prayer in the program. "BLESSED Lord, who hast caused all Holy Scriptures to be written for our learning; Grant that we may in such wise hear them, read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest them, that by patience and comfort of Thy Holy Word, we may embrace, and ever hold fast, the blessed hope of everlasting life, which thou hast given us in our Saviour Jesus Christ. Amen. " I also loved the communion service. One low voice intertwined with another low voice as they offered us precious gifts. "This is my body...."This is my blood"..."broken for you"..."poured out for you"... I felt an awful homesickness for heaven and an overwhelming sense of rapture...someday soon, we will hear His low voice, and we will drink from the cup in His hand and be fed from His fingers the bread of life. The next time Jesus partakes of the bread and the wine, it will be with me. It will be with you. ~~~~~~~~~
Most of the church had lunch together in the art room. We ate different homemade soups and homemade rolls and homemade sausage and cookies, etc. This church likes to cook. As we ate, Christmas saxophone music accompanied our conversation. It was nice. ~~~~
Lessons and Carols started at 1:45 with a prelude of guitar music-Thank you Sam!-piano music-thank you Alyssa, Cameron, and Lauren; and the band's first performance and Jingle Bells to boot! The children entered the 'sanctuary' to the words and music of "Once in Royal David's City" and joined in singing as they found their seats. It was a really nice program. There were meaningful Scriptures read by students and adults regarding the promise of a Savior and His coming to earth. In between those 'Lessons', the congregation sang hymns and the children sang their special songs. I loved hearing the Shorter Family sing. Select Choir sang an 'African Noel' and actually moved a bit to the rhythm as they sang. I played guitar for three songs for the younger children. It was interesting to sit with them on their level and look out at all those people and see them from a child's perspective. It's not so easy to sing to 200 people and only know a few, especially if it's the first time you've done it. I think, but I am not certain, that Mrs. Jones was dancing in the back for the song, "Sing Aloud". The children had those kind of grins on their faces that give that sort of activity away. The 3/4 graders sang a song about 'Busy Little Bethlehem..won't you let your Savior in...everything you've waited for is standing here outside your door." The 2-4 sang 'The Shepherd's Song. The shepherd in the song is sad because he has nothing of importance to give Jesus so he gives him his hands, feet, lips, and heart and Jesus says back to him, that what little he gives is not little at all. The 7-12 graders sang in three part harmony as did the Select choir.('Angels we have Heard on High', 'What child is This', 'How great our Joy', and 'African Noel'-respectively-two each.) Susan and Graham sang 'Silent Night' together. It was sweet. The whole school went on stage at the end and sang 'You are Holy' and then 'Adeste Fidelis'. There was a reception afterwards. I was proud of all of the children and appreciated the way all of the teacher's worked together to make it a success.
We came home and watched a Clint Eastwood movie and ate leftover soup, popcorn, and candy canes.
I am thankful for people who openly communicate and say what they mean to say. I am thankful for the little girl who came up and snuggled close to me when it was her group's turn to sing. It helped me be a bit less nervous. (I am not a great guitarist and my hands were cold and shaky.) I am thankful that Select Choir got ahold of the concept of honoring another's request and that they came through their song well and in rhythm.
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