Disappointed with God

I've been thinking about Mary of Bethany.

After Lazarus was risen from the dead,
there was a party for Jesus given at the home of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus.

Mary took a pound of pure spikenard and poured it over Jesus.
It was worth a year's wages.
This fragrance stayed with Him from that party time
until the crucifixion and perhaps even after His resurrection.
Our pastor spoke about her last week
and I've been thinking about her ever since.

I was thinking about how much she loved Him.
I was thinking about how He disappointed her
 when He didn't come to heal Lazarus.

He let Lazarus die in order to bring glory to God through his resurrection.

I have been wondering if she loved Him
 because He brought her brother back to life.

I've been thinking about why I love Him so much.

It's not because He brought anyone I love back to life.

I think I love Him so much because when He didn't bring them back to life
or keep them from dying,
that I was able to let Him know how disappointed I was in Him.

He didn't discard my disappointment or think I was irreverent.
He wept with me and asked me to show Him where my grief lay hidden in a tomb.

Just like He did for Mary.

I think Mary and I love Him so much
because He let us say,
"If only You had been here...this would not have happened."

I think we love Him because He was not disappointed with our disappointment.