Kissng Up

I've been thinking about the whole concept of "Kissing Up."

I never thought about it much until we moved here.

We were the new kids on the block and were judged by people's perception of our actions, not by who we were. Which, of course, is normal. It takes time and patience to let people know who you are. Once they know you, then they can judge your actions by who you are rather than judging who you are by your actions. It's a fine line, I know, but it has to do with having grace for a culture different than one's own and putting assumptions aside. But that's another story.

When I would do something nice for someone, especially for those in leadership positions, some people gave me the sense that they thought that I was 'kissing up' in order to earn favor or position. This bothered me so much that I backed off from giving for awhile.

But now, I am back to giving if I want to give, instead of allowing others opinions of me to dictate who I am. I am a giving person. I was raised in a giving family. To not give when I want to give squelches the gift of life in me.
I also try to not feel pressure to give if I don't want to give or shouldn't give.

There are all kinds of ways to give.
Giving of time, acts of service, a meal, a phone call, prayer, etc. are all ways we can give without it costing us alot of money.

God says several things about giving.
"It is more blessed to give than to receive."
"When you give, don't let you right hand know what your left hand is doing."
"Give out of a cheerful heart and not out of coercion."
Those are three things I can think of off-hand.

The other day, someone stayed with me for several hours,
even though the main person they were interested in had already left.
We had a great time together and I realized again how much I really like this person
and how easy she is to love.

Someone said to one of my children, 'Oh, she's trying to earn brownie points with your mom.'
They were joking, of course, but it got me thinking about this again.

I would never think that my new friend was trying to earn brownie points with me.
I think she likes being with Susan and I because she likes us,
not because she is trying to get us to like her.
She already knows we do.

I think that if we ever do think that someone is kissing up to us
because we are 'so great' that we are worth kissing up to,
that we should just hug the kisser uppers and kiss them back.
We should reassure them of our love and acceptance and be thankful that they want to kiss us.

The balance to that, of course, is if we are vulnerable to flattery, and open our lives up and share its treasure just because we've been flattered.
We have to be wise.
But we have to be humble, too.

The Bible says we should give one another a 'holy kiss.'

A 'holy kiss' and what it might mean in the present church culture,
would most likely throw the concept of 'kissing up'
right out of the stained-glass windows.
A 'holy kiss' represents integrity and a promise
that I would never kiss you and then go stab you in the back.
I would never be a Judas to you.
A 'holy kiss' represents love
and to love means to protect and provide.

I will provide you with enough security that you never need to 'kiss-up' to me.
I will protect you from thoughts and words that think and speak less than the very best for you.
I will give you a holy kiss and I will never deliberately betray your trust.
Amen and Amen.