Shattering

C.S.Lewis~from 'A Grief Observed'~

"My idea of God is not a divine idea. It has to be shattered time after time. He shatters it Himself.~~~Could we not almost say that this shattering is one of the marks of His presence?"

I just found an entry in my journal for Oct. 7, 05. My brother- in -law, a missionary to Thailand, had been killed that July by a drunk driver. Yesterday, I read the above thought from C.S.Lewis and it helped me a little bit. Here's what I had written.

"Two thoughts are taking form...I think I am hearing in my spirit, Not,"Why did you let him die?" but rather, "How COULD you have let him die?" I don't think my trust is shattered or shaken in God because He didn't do things my way, but it is shaken because I don't think He did things HIS way.

And we say that God is Sovereign. But does that mean He is Sovereign over evil wills or stupid wills, or just plain human wills? He was Sovereign in the garden, yet His children willed against Him. Could He have prevented that crisis, since He already had set in motion the Law of Man's Free Will?

Like someone said, Jesus said to pray for laborers...and then He took one.. a faithful one...(a personal one). What was He thinking?
Someone told ~~~that maybe John would have fallen away from God and that is why God took him. I don't know how she can hear such rot without screaming.

I have considered different times that he could be imprisoned and if that was in the near or distant future, I'm glad that he went quickly like John the Baptist did. The need for John's voice crying in the wilderness was over. His job was finished. Perhaps we place too much emphasis on the privilege of living on earth. Here, in the story of this John, we can see the Sovereignty of God~His hand on the players~His checkmate~ the taking out of the game so no eyes are divided. All eyes on His Son. What will you do with Jesus~ not what will you do with Jesus AND John.

Someday we'll see more clearly. I hope its sooner than later. I'd rather look Him in the face and ask the questions I have no human right to ask of God, than to turn my face from His and be silent. "